How to Run Your First 1:1 as a New Manager

The first time you sit down to run a 1:1 as someone’s new manager, it feels odd.

You might have had loads of 1:1s before. But this time you’re on the other side of the table.

You’re probably thinking:

• Do I sound confident?
• Do they see me differently now?
• Am I supposed to “set the tone”?
• What does "set the tone" even mean?

And if you’ve been promoted internally, it’s even more tricky. A few weeks ago you were probably sat next to them at lunch, moaning about your joint manager.

Now you’re the one they might want to complain about (privately)  – which brings its own challenges. (we’ve covered that in more detail here...👉Managing Friends After a Promotion)

The pressure can feel high.

So let’s make this simple.

A good first 1:1 isn’t about getting everything right.

It’s about doing a few of the basics well.

First: Don’t Turn It Into a Status Meeting

This is where most new managers go wrong.

They open with:

“So… how’s everything going?”

And then the whole meeting becomes a run-through of their tasks.

Project updates. Deadlines. Admin.

That’s not a 1:1. That’s just work chat.

A proper 1:1 is where you talk about:

• What’s working
• What’s unclear
• What good looks like
• Where they want to grow
• What you both need to do better

It’s less about “what did you do?” and more about “how are we doing?”

Talk Less Than You Think You Should

When you’re new to leadership, there’s a strong urge to want to prove yourself (and for most people, that’s tied to a bit of self-doubt as well)

You want to sound like a manager. You want to show you’ve thought things through. You want to look like you know what you're doing.

But the truth is:

The more you talk in your first 1:1, the less useful it actually is.

Some of the best managers I’ve had barely spoke at the start. They asked good questions. They listened. They wrote things down.

And then - most importantly - they actually did something about what was said.

That’s what builds true respect.

Not polished sentences. Not “vision”.

Just attention and follow-through.

Prepare - But Don’t Rehearse

You don’t need a script.

But you do need to think ahead.

What does good performance look like in their role? Where are they strong? Where are they wobbling? What do you need from them that maybe hasn’t been said before?

It can help to send a short message in advance:

“Let’s use this time to talk about what’s going well, what’s frustrating, and what you need from me.”

That immediately turns the meeting into something shared, not something you’re doing to them.

Some managers even ask their team member to add topics to the agenda. It’s a small thing, but it can change the dynamic of the 1:1.

A Simple Way to Structure It

You don’t need a framework with another acronym to remember.

Instead, you might like to try this:

1) What’s going well?
Start here. It shows you’re not just scanning for problems.

2) What’s not clear or getting in the way?
This is where the good stuff comes out: unclear priorities, friction with stakeholders, frustration that’s been building.

Listen properly. Don’t jump in too fast.

3) What does “good” look like from here?
Be specific. What do you expect? What does reliable look like? How should they update you?

Clarity now saves difficult conversations later.

4) Where could they grow?
Not in a corporate “development pathway” sense. In a real sense.

Where could they take on a bit more? Where are they stronger than they realise? Where might you back them publicly?

The best managers I worked with nudged me into things I didn’t feel ready for - but stayed close enough that I knew I wouldn’t fall flat on my face.

That balance is powerful.

Here’s What It Might Actually Sound Like

You: “How are things feeling at the moment?”

Them: “Busy. I’m not sure what’s actually top priority.”

You: “Okay. If you had to pick the two things that really matter this week, what would they be?”

(You listen. You write it down.)

You: “Right. Let’s agree those are the focus. If anything else comes in, we’ll decide together whether it bumps one of these.”

Then you agree what they’ll deliver, what you’ll unblock, and when you’ll check in again.

Nothing overly flashy. Just clarity.

And clarity reduces stress fast.

Protect the Meeting

If you cancel 1:1s regularly, you’re telling your team something - whether you mean to or not.

It says: this isn’t that important to me.

For most new managers, every two weeks works well. Weekly if things are intense. Monthly is usually too far apart at the start.

What matters most isn’t the frequency... it’s the consistency.

If you say you’ll do something, do it.

That’s leadership.

Watch the Micromanaging Trap

This one’s a bit more subtle.

If you’ve come from a hands-on role, talking about tasks feels comfortable. You know the detail. You can fix things quickly. You can prove you’re useful.

And when you’re new in role, proving you’re useful feels good.

But if your 1:1 becomes you checking everything, rewriting work, or stepping in too fast... trust drops quickly.

You weren’t promoted to be the best “doer” in the room.

You were promoted to create clarity, direction and standards.

If you feel yourself diving back into the detail, ask why. Sometimes it’s not about quality. It’s about insecurity.

Keep It Human - But Not Matey

You don’t need to suddenly become formal.

If you know they’ve got kids, ask how they are. If a parent’s been ill, check in.

That stuff matters.

But remember: this isn’t a catch-up in the pub. It’s a performance conversation.

Friendly and clear beats friendly and vague every time. 

And if you’re unsure how to strike that balance, learning how to handle challenging conversations properly makes a big difference.

Make Accountability Go Both Ways

A strong first 1:1 sets a standard:

• You’ll support them. They’ll deliver.
• You’ll remove blockers where you can. They’ll raise issues early.
• You’ll follow through. So will they.

That balance is what makes it work.

Final Thought

You don’t need to be brilliant in your first 1:1.

You need to be clear, consistent, available, and fair.

Do that well, and people won’t remember the exact words you used.

They’ll remember how it felt to work with you.

What Next?

If you are stepping into management for the first time, practical structure and skill development make a real difference.

Explore our New Manager training pathway covering:

• Personal impact and confidence

• Influencing without authority

• Delegation and accountability

• Handling challenging conversations

You can also use our free 30–60–90 Day Plan Template to clarify your priorities and build early credibility in your role.

Confidence as a manager does not come from a job title.

It comes from clarity, capability and consistent action.

About the Author

Emma-Jane Haigh

Leadership and People Development Specialist, Executive Coach, and Facilitator. Emma-Jane designs and delivers training that helps managers and teams strengthen communication, build resilience, and lead with confidence. At Underscore, she runs leadership, management, and project management programmes focused on practical skills and real workplace impact.