Managing Friends After a Promotion: How to Lead Former Peers with Confidence

Being promoted within your own team can feel like a career milestone - and an emotional minefield at the same time.

One day you are part of the group. The next day you are responsible for it.

You haven’t changed desks. You haven’t changed companies. But the expectations around you have changed completely.

If you are now managing friends or former peers, you are navigating one of the most challenging transitions in leadership. This is where confidence, clarity and boundaries matter most.

Why Does Managing Friends Feel So Awkward?

Internal promotion creates a unique tension.

Your role changes overnight, but your relationships do not.

You may find yourself asking:

• Do they think I deserved this promotion?

• Do I think I deserved it?

• How do I give feedback to someone I used to complain with?

• How do I manage someone older or more experienced than me?

• What if they do not respect my authority yet?

It is common to experience imposter syndrome at this stage. You are no longer contributing as an individual performer - you are accountable for the performance of others.

That responsibility can feel isolating. You are no longer fully “one of the gang,” yet you may not feel fully established as their manager either.

Recognising that this discomfort is normal helps you avoid reacting emotionally to it.

When I was promoted within my own team, the first few Sunday evenings were rough.

I had gone from a clear “doing” role - where my output was visible and measurable - to what felt like meetings, strategy conversations and decisions that did not produce anything tangible. A few weeks earlier, I had been one of the people quietly questioning whether some of that work was even necessary.

Now I was responsible for it.

I remember lying awake thinking, “I haven’t actually done anything.” No finished product. No obvious win. Just conversations and direction-setting.

It made me question whether I was a fraud.

What changed things for me was realising that if I did not understand and buy into the bigger picture myself, I would never convince the team of it. I had to work out how my new role could remove obstacles for them, create opportunities for them and protect their focus - not just produce outputs.

Once I understood that, I stopped trying to prove I was still the best “doer” in the room and started focusing on being useful in a different way.

That is often the turning point.

The Biggest Mistake When Promoted Within Your Team

Many new managers try to minimise the change.

They reassure everyone - and themselves - by saying nothing will be different.

But leadership, by definition, introduces difference.

You now:

• Set expectations

• Make decisions others may not agree with

• Represent the team upward

• Hold people accountable

If you avoid acknowledging your new authority, your team will still feel it - just without clarity. And unclear leadership creates more anxiety than honest leadership ever will.

You do not need to become distant.

You do need to become clear.

Managing Friends at Work Requires Boundaries

When you are managing friends, the difficulty is rarely competence. It is boundaries.

You cannot join in the same casual criticism of leadership that you once did. You cannot ignore performance issues because addressing them feels uncomfortable. You cannot favour one person without affecting trust across the team.

Fairness becomes visible very quickly.

If one former friend is protected from accountability, the rest of the team will notice. Authority is built through consistent behaviour, not through confidence speeches.

This does not mean cutting people off or becoming overly formal. It means understanding that friendship and leadership are not the same role.

The sooner you separate the two, the easier the transition becomes for everyone.

Avoid Micromanaging Former Peers

Another common reaction after an internal promotion is micromanaging.

This often comes from insecurity. New managers feel they must prove they deserved the role, so they begin checking every detail, rewriting work and stepping in too quickly.

Sometimes it is also about comfort.

When you have come from a visible “doing” role - where outputs were clear and measurable - stepping back into detail can feel like safety. You are seen to be doing something. You feel productive again. It is familiar territory.

It is the old safe zone.

But micromanaging former colleagues damages trust quickly.

You were not promoted to demonstrate that you can do everyone’s job better than they can.

You were promoted to lead.

Leadership means resisting the urge to retreat into what feels comfortable and instead focusing on direction, clarity and accountability - even when that work is less visible.

Using Your Insider Knowledge to Build Trust

There is, however, a powerful advantage to being promoted within your own team.

You understand what people used to complain about - because you were part of those conversations.

That insight can either make you defensive or make you effective.

When I experienced internal promotion, I made a conscious decision to position myself as a champion for the team. If someone wanted to present an idea, I helped them get access to the right room. If an apprentice wanted to pitch to senior leaders, I backed them. If a technical colleague had an innovation idea, I did not need to fully understand it to support it - I could open the door.

Using my authority to create opportunity changed how the team saw me.

Internal promotion gives you two choices: protect yourself or advocate for your people.

Advocacy builds trust far faster than reassurance ever will.

Handling Jealousy and Imposter Syndrome After Promotion

Not everyone will celebrate your promotion.

Some colleagues may feel overlooked. Others may quietly question whether you are ready.

This is normal. This is human.

Trying too hard to be liked rarely helps. Trying to be fair, consistent and clear works far better.

At the same time, you may still wrestle with self-doubt - especially if you are managing someone older, more experienced or technically stronger.

Leadership is not about being the most knowledgeable person in the room.

It is about:

• Setting direction

• Clarifying priorities

• Holding standards

• Supporting performance

Those are management skills. And they can be developed deliberately.

What to Focus on in Your First 30–60–90 Days as a New Manager

When emotions feel high, structure helps.

In your first 30 days, focus on building credibility. Clarify expectations with your own manager. Understand what “good” performance looks like. Begin setting visible priorities.

By 60 days, create clarity. Define roles and responsibilities. Delegate intentionally. Address performance issues early rather than letting them drift.

By 90 days, shape standards. Reinforce the behaviours you want to see more of. Tackle issues you have been avoiding. Strengthen your own leadership capability.

A structured 30–60–90 day plan provides stability while relationships settle into their new dynamic.

Clarity reduces tension. Consistency builds confidence.

Final Thoughts: Leading Former Peers with Confidence

Managing friends after a promotion is one of the most emotionally complex transitions in a career.

Handled poorly, it leads to blurred boundaries, micromanaging and quiet resentment.

Handled well, it creates strong, high-trust teams built on fairness and opportunity.

You do not need to change who you are.

But you do need to accept that relationships evolve when authority changes.

One thing that helped me was deciding early on that my job was to be the strongest advocate for my team - especially in rooms they were not in. I realised this was what I had always wanted from my own managers: someone who backed my ideas, opened doors and made sure good work was seen. 

If they had good ideas, I supported them. If they wanted exposure, I created it. If they were doing strong work, I made sure it was recognised.

That clarity made decisions easier.

Leadership is not about avoiding discomfort.

It is about navigating it with consistency, fairness - and choosing to use your position to lift others, not protect yourself.

What Next?

If you are stepping into management for the first time, practical structure and skill development make a real difference.

Explore our New Manager training pathway covering:

• Personal impact and confidence

• Influencing without authority

• Delegation and accountability

• Handling challenging conversations

You can also use our free 30–60–90 Day Plan Template to clarify your priorities and build early credibility in your role.

Confidence as a manager does not come from a job title.

It comes from clarity, capability and consistent action.

About the Author

Emma-Jane Haigh

Leadership and People Development Specialist, Executive Coach, and Facilitator. Emma-Jane designs and delivers training that helps managers and teams strengthen communication, build resilience, and lead with confidence. At Underscore, she runs leadership, management, and project management programmes focused on practical skills and real workplace impact.